When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
don't judge my taste in strippers
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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