She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
