just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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