i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
