i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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