FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize