he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
