I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
