I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
