He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
