I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
