idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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