yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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