i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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