your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
