In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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