Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
