girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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