I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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