Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
