Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
