What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
