i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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