i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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