The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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