Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
