I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
