How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
