either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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