How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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