Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
