you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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