Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
