Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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