every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize