i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
