i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
