OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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