guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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