I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
