Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
