dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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