Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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