He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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