Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
