Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
