I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
