Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
