Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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