Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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