Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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