I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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