My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize