He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
