if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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