when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
