She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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