and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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