Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
