We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
