you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
