she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
