did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
