Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
