Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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