Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
