Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We need to get me chipped asap
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
