Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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