the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
