I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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