between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
