i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
