u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I supernannyed him into submission
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
