You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
