im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
