He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
