I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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