God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize