you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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