i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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