Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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