I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
