dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
