i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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